The Slayers DySfuNcTiOnAl Holiday Celebration!
by Killer Hippie
Summary: The Slayers gather at Fillia's to celebrate the Holidays... um, yes. Never let Amelia get drunk.


Zoe:  Happy Holidays, everyone!!  **~**tosses confetti up in the air~  Well, this was written last year, but seeing as college won't let me write anything new, I thought I'd upload this one. =)  

Zel:  Admit it.  You're washed out and tired.  No more ficcies for you.

Zoe:  NooooOooo, that's not true!! I'm just taking… an extended break.

Xel:  Don't you have finals?

Zoe:  LAdeedaDEEda…

Zel:  Denial is a powerful thing, boys and girls.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I don't own the Slayers.  I just like to play with them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Oh look! Mistletoe!"

Lina rolled her eyes upward. Damn. There it was. Damn that little pointy-leaved thing in all its poisoned glory. Damn stupid tradition. Damn, it's really fun to think the word 'damn'. "Fine, Xelloss," she resigned, giving the Trickster a quick peck on the cheek.

"What, no tongue?"

*WHAM*

"Lina-san, please be more careful with Fillia-san's house!" Amelia scolded, peering down into the Xelloss-shaped crater in the Golden Dragon's nice, wooden floor.

"He deserved it," Lina shrugged, returning to her decorating.

"I'm okay," Xelloss sang, climbing out of his hole in the ground. That felt great! ^__^ And the kiss... well, he'd work on it. "Ja!" he grinned, teleporting to his next hapless victim. "Fillia-san!"

*WHAM*

*WHAM*

*WHAM*

"And to all a good night," Lina whispered to Gourry as they watched Fillia give Xelloss a beating that would make the meanest hooligan squirm in pity.

"Good night? I thought we were going to have dinner!"

*WHAM*

* * *

"Sylphiel-san!" Amelia cried, running in the kitchen to avoid the living room's general chaos. "No one's taking the Holiday seriously!"

"They don't mean anything by it," the gentle healer soothed, handing the young princess a fresh sugar cookie.

"Sylphiel-san, how do you do it? Keep your composure, I mean?" Amelia asked, nibbling a bit on the Ultimate-Type-Of-Cookie-san. "You're a true example of Justice, especially during this hectic time of the year," she sighed.

The older woman blushed. "Well... I have... a trick to it," she admitted.

"Ooo, tell me!"

"Here, I'll show you," Sylphiel smiled, handing Amelia a drink.

"What's this?"

"Egg nog."

"Ew! It's nasty!" Amelia gagged, attempting to drink the disgusting stuff.

"Just drink the whole thing at once."

"Okay..." Shutting her eyes tightly, Amelia threw her head back and managed to down the whole thing. "Blech......... .............. Pour me another? ^_^"

* * *

"Happy Solstice, Zelgadiss-san!"

"What do you want?" Zel asked, looking up at the mazoku warily.

"Well, I just noticed that we happened to be standing under some mistletoe and-"

"I don't think so," Zel growled, pushing Xel's face (and consequently, Xelloss) away with one hand. "Besides, that tradition is between a boy and a girl."

The Trickster pouted only a moment before throwing himself at the Chimera, wrapping his arms around Zel's neck. "Why didn't you say so before?" he purred.

"*_*" Zelgadiss threw one hand over his face to avoid the oncoming Massive Nosebleed Syndrome (tm). Xelloss' chest was much bigger and softer than it should have been.

"Kiss me, lover boy!" Xel-chan giggled.

"Get away from me!" Zel screamed in an Out Of Character manner, scrambling away from the suddenly voluptuous priest. Super Deformed Zelgadiss ran about in a circle three times screaming "Unclean! Unclean!'" before finally fleeing the room.

"What? You prefer a body like Lina's?" Xelloss called, chasing after the living blue streak.

* * *

"Oh, I get it! We're celebrating!" Gourry beamed.

"That's right," Lina grinned. He _finally_ got it!

"Ohhh, Lina-san..."

Not again. She looked up and sure enough, there hanged the damn plant right over their heads. "Fine Xelloss." She moved to give him the same kiss as before but...

"MMPH?!?!?!?!" Xelloss was a bit faster and managed to land a good one.  Mazoku are nimble like that, you know.

"Yatta!" He cheered as he danced away, leaving a very angered sorceress and very confused swordsman.

"Bastard!"

"Hey, Lina?"

"WHAT?"

"What're we celebrating again?"

"AAARRGGHH!!"

* * *

"No one undershtansh me," Amelia bawled into her 'nog. "They think ish eashy being a prinshesh? Hell naw." She finished, taking a great and unlady like swig of her drink.

"Amelia-san, I think you've had enough ^^;" Sylphiel advised, moving to take the cup away from the smashed prinshesh... er, princess.

"Mine!" Amelia whined, protecting Drink-sama. "I'm not alwaysh a goodi-goodi," she continued, giggling. "In fact, I kin get verrrry naughty."

"That's nice. ^^;;"

"Heh. U know what I shink, Shiffiel?" Amelia slurred, leaning over her drink.

"No, what? ^^;;;"

"I shink u undershtand me."

*_* "..." Amelia's face was _far_ too close for comfort.

"Hey look! *hic* Misheltow!"

"Now where did that- mmph!"

*SMOOTCHIES*

"AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!"

"Comesh back, baby!"

* * *

From his mangled little heap, a light bulb flickered to life over Gourry's blond and (if a bit bruised) cute little head.

"Oh, I know what we're celebrating! /_^"

And thus, Gourry was off in search of Fillia's food dye.

* * *

"Oh, Lina-san..."

"Arrgh! How do I always wind up under the mistletoe... with.... you? Hey, what's that?" Lina squinted her eyes and sure enough, the much hated plant had a suspicious silver glint behind it.

"What's what? ^_^"

"THAT!" Lina screeched, pushing Xelloss' head down. Sure enough, the damn plant also fell a few feet. "What the..." She ran her hands through Xelloss' violet tresses to confirm her suspicions...

"Oh, Lina-chan! Not here!"

"SHUT UP! …HEY!" And sure enough, there it was- a very thin wire attached the mistletoe to a clear headband conveniently located on the Trickster's person.

"^_^; All is fair in love and-"

"FIREBALL!!"

After kicking Xelloss' ashes a few good times for measure, Lina couldn't help but get wicked ideas about the mistletoe headband, now in her possession. "Hmm..."

* * *

"Amelia-san! You're drunk!" Sylphiel cried.

"Heh. I'm the prinshesh of Sheryuun. *hic* Wanna be a prinshesh, baby?" Amelia leered, chasing the priestess around the table.

"AIEE!!"

* * *

"Zel?" Lina called, venturing outside.

Zelgadiss was outside, curled in a corner of the balcony, staring morosely into the stars.

"Zel?" she softly asked again, laying a hand on his shoulder.

"Unclean."

"Eh?" Ok, Zel was _not_ staring dejectedly into the mysterious stars- he was curled up in the fetal position staring off into space with crazed eyes while he blabbered. "Unclean, unclean, unclean!"

"Okaaaay.... Hey look Zel, mistletoe!" Heh. Xelloss _was_ good for something! This headband was great!

"Unclean!"

Oh brother.

"Unclean. Unclean. UN- MMPHH!!" At about this time, Zel's brain snapped completely and he just allowed himself to enjoy the kiss.

* * *

Alrighty then... everything here? Check. Gourry grinned and rolled up his sleeves to get to work, ignoring the pandemonium behind him.

"Sylphiel-san?" Fillia called, wondering into the kitchen. "Is dinner almost ready?"

"Help me!" Sylphiel wailed, fleeing the kitchen in a blur.

"Shiffiel-shama!" Amelia crowed, chasing after the latest object of her affection.

*Blink blink* Okay... ^^;; Fillia turned to the other blond in the room and..."GOURRY-SAN, WHAT IN CEPHIEED'S NAME ARE YOU DOING TO MY VAL-CHAN?!?!?!?!"

"Huh?" The swordsman blinked and stopped in mid motion- leaving Egg-Val far too close to the pot's boiling water. "I'm coloring eggs /_^" he said, proudly waiving to the bowls of various dyes. "But you have to boil 'em first."

"GYAAA!!"

*WHAM*

*CRIPPLE*

*MAIM*

And thus, Fillia and Mace-sama saved Egg-Val from peril.

* * *

Meanwhile, Xelloss was discovering the joys of flammables. "Deck Fillia's garden with gasoline, Falalala, Lalala. Strike a match and watch it gleam...."

*BOOM*

* * *

The End. And I'll have you know it's not a negative ending! The impact of the explosion caused Amelia to bump her head and take a nice nap, saving poor Sylphiel. Sylphiel in turn healed Gourry's wounds and fed him all the food she had managed to prepare. Lina and Zel cuddled by the garden bonfire in a very sweet and romantic way, roasting marshmallows and feeding one another. Val-kun was safely put in his crib and Xelloss....

"NAMAGOMI!!"

And Xelloss finally got that appointment with Mace-sama that he wanted so much.

Happy Holidays, everybody


End file.
